Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize