I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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