youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
