a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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