would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
