Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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