You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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