Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How does one acquire holy water?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
