Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
