I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He has the fingertips of a God
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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