he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I had to cum in my sink.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
