just come out here and I will go home with you...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
