Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
