Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
