just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
