It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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