She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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