I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
