Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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