he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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