i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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