I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
