She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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