so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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