I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
