you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
