I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize