omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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