So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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