Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
