It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
