I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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