Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
