Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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