Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
