i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
