help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
