We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
