My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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