I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you inspire me to be a worse person
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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