this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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