You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
