two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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