I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
