My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
