WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
