In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
