if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
