Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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