Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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