walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
