eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
