whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
