Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
