Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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