I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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