I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
