the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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