Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
