yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
