If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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