Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
