we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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