She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he was CRYING into my vagina
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
