You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
