I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Randomize
