why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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