dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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