So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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