I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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