3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
