32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
