can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
