didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
