we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize