what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
