cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
