she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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