help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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