made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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