Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think a kid would responsible me up
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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