I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
