I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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