Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
