omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
