Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
