bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
